Planning birthdays and learning to breath..

I celebrate a birthday next week... Celebrating Birthdays - the new Cancer mantra ..

When I was diagnosed with my first bout of cancer.. I remember clearly driving home and talking to God.. I asked him for two more years.. just two so that I could get everything and everyone ready... myself included.. I told him.. if you give me 2 more years.. I think I can get everything ready.. and then I did not..

I mean I started....I wanted to make sure my children realized how much a part of their stepfather's life they were and I was obsessed I believe with telling them.. they had to take care of him if I left them....I came to realize what love is.. not just the fleeting kind.. but the deep, caring love that you feel for friends and family that is real, concrete, solid... but once you are diagnosed with Cancer.. sometimes you get so caught up in the fight.. the exhaustion from chemo and radiation...  you forget your tearful promises.. and need to be reminded....

2 years passed and the fear started to go away.. 3 years passed and I started to feel a calling for different goals..but not really..there was always something that had to be done or fixed.. biopsies came and went.. all clear...I mean I started but not really.. 

Then I got my reminder... that I haven't got everything ready... a reminder that if I want to keep celebrating years and birthdays... I need to keep my promises..that my life is changing and if I keep my promises.. promises will be kept to me as well..

I am getting a chance to have another birthday and constantly amazed by the people that surround me and what they can achieve each day..  I have found the light within me..learning to breath..  and I am seeing that same light in others.. It is all in the breath.. a birthday everyday.. a deep breath in.. a slow breath out.. push out the darkness and bring in the light..

Celebrating birthdays... day by day celebrations really.. learning to breath all over again.. having courage to over come fears and now to help others over come them as well.. reminder.. I need to add that to my promises.. sink into the breath... Happy Birthday to me..no candles needed.... I have my own glow and my  light is on..