living in hope and hoping for Linda..

Terrible news this week about a lovely woman who has been a wonderful support for a number of woman fighting breast cancer.. Linda started Team Wish here in Anthem.. in the last 8 years they have walked and walked and walked.. and between blisters and shin splits and sore feet.. they have raised 1 million dollars in their fight against cancer.. Linda is a breast cancer survivor and has connected with many other survivors and many of us have connected with her...

She finds us.. some how .. some way .. she finds us and she folds us under her wing, sends us cards.. yells across Starbucks "Hey Julia's mom!", picks us right up off the sidewalk and hugs us till we are blue.. she found us..   Irma, me and Heather .. and probably dozens more that we do not know.  Linda is fighting again and when we first heard this.. panic set it..

In the last 24 hours I have forgotten to "sink into the breath" and find courage.  I do not feel fearless.. I am afraid..  for Irma .. for me..for Heather ..and for Linda... our tall, long legged angel in tennis shoes and bright green shirt.. walking.. walking.. is fighting again..  So I have to find my courage.. make myself fearless and try to breath deep and sink into the breath..

I have to make a choice.. for Irma ..for me.. for Heather..  and for Linda..

Living in hope instead of fear is a conscious choice - and it's one you may have to make over and over again as you deal with the uncertainties and fears that cancer brings your way. But each time you choose to live in hope you not only release the burdens you feel, but you empower yourself and your friend or relative who had cancer to continue to move forward in life. None of us knows how many days and hours we have left - whether or not cancer is in our lives. So, it is incumbent upon all of us to live in hope and accomplish all that we can in the days that await us~Anne Orchard  Author : Their Cancer - Your Journey

For Irma.. for me .. for Heather ..and for Linda..

"lots of thanks to be givin"

...at work one of the big bosses went through before we all left on our long holiday weekend.. sticking his head in every office and wishing everyone a great Thanksgiving.. he stopped a bit longer at my door and said "you have lots of thanks to be giving this year don't you Mary?".. yes.. yes I do..

so as the day is coming to an end.. a Thanksgiving full of fun.. Turkey Trots... great encouraging friends.. wonderful family.. GOOD PIE... I promise not to take this day for granted.. or any day for that matter..I will live my life to the fullest.. love my family with all my heart and appreciate them for who they are and what is inside each of them.. I will cherish my friends.. that yell as I am trying to keep running.. "Mary.. Mary.. think where you were 2 months ago.. and where you are right now.. you can do this"..  I will have "lots of thanks to be givin" today and everyday. 

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy


Gobble Gobble..

"there is nothing I would rather do"

Today I celebrated my wedding anniversary with my sweet Tim..  after a couple of decades of marriage. .the biggest fight we ever had was our fight together against cancer..

"there is nothing that I would rather do.. then live my life in love with you".. was the saying on the American Greeting card I picked out...

I read in the newspaper today that people are not getting married anymore.. it is not expected and many do not want to share their lives with someone special.. it is such hard work.. trying to fit two hearts together without breaking them..

"the fun that being with you brings...Our memories made of little things"..

I am just not sure if that is true..I believe in true love..and honestly I believe there are a lot like me.

"the talks we have.. the jokes we share..the hugs, the kisses here and there...." 

I am here to tell you there are some things worth fighting for.. there are people that are worth fighting with..

" what better reason could there be.. to ask you to grow old with me" 

love affairs can last.. and each day can be sweeter than the last.. " there is nothing I would rather do.. than live my life in love with you."

Here is to decades more..

a perfect gift

This weekend was full of gifts..the kind of gifts that make you grateful.. the kind of gifts that you see and think.. yes.. yes.. this is perfect..  reminding me again of the blessings of my life..

..the first came from the "baker" (Regina) of my cupcake runners club.. with a few other of the girls.. during coffee and after the Saturday morning run... I was given "a perfect gift" ..  a beautiful crafted picture frame.. with rainbows and hats.. for my mother's picture.. I have written about the memories of her passing and the strongest are the rainbows on the day she died.. and the hats .. her hats .. that all the women wore when she was laid to rest.. a quote about personal character that I love.. all together.. perfectly placed.. 

... The "baker" and leader of our running club has spent the last three or four years encouraging ordinary ...everyday... young and old.. to run.. to "complete not compete".. she is artistic in so many ways other than with paper and glitter.. she creates and colors the lives of everyone she touches.. making them feel value in what they do.. and who they are.. a Picasso of spirit and courage.. how lucky am I to have this artist of spirit and courage in my life....

..the second was my daughter Julia's commitment to walking the Susan G Komen 3 Day... with hurting feet.. cold (for Arizona) weather.. she camped and walked.. right into a hug at the end of the third day.. she walked for me and our dear friend Heather.. she walked for all women that may have.. will have.. shouldn't ever have breast cancer.. and the men too.  She is a warrior.. a pink warrior according to a song about the walk..

In a world were most people are not in the moment.. not here for friends or family .. never think a moment about anyone other than themselves.. how lucky am I .. how blessed am I.. to have two people in my life that spend each day making a difference.. they are a perfect gift.. .

Tonight it is clean up time.. get down time.. get better time..

Tonight I sat down and for a final time went through the cards and letters that I received from friends (and strangers) over the last 6 months.. only 6 months since my breast cancer diagnosis and it seems so long ago..was it really only 6 months ago that I got that call driving home from work.. I never take that road now.. the road I was on when I answered my phone..

Tonight I pulled out the pile of cards in the dresser drawer... Tonight I read card after card of good wishes.. prayers sent.. help offered.. encouragement.. some from the same people over and over.. some disgustingly funny... some so heartfelt they brought tears to my eyes.. Many were from the TEAM WISH walkers .. team mates of my daughter Julia ...my oldest #1 lotus blossom daughter. Julia is participating in the Susan G Komen 3-Day this coming weekend...she walks not only for some dear friends but now... for me as well...

Julia with the big heart, giggling, John Mayer loving oldest daughter who often in our conversations when this all started.. reminded me of how God put people in my path just in time to carry me when times are tough..

I had just started running and Cupcake Runners Irma, Heather and Regina popped up and into my life.. and 6 months later would cross the finish line with me at the Susan G Komen 5K...

Heather from TEAM WISH brought me dinner and an oncologist card.. Heather .. sweet Heather who is again fighting breast cancer and now I am bringing her dinner..it saddens me that this is how I am repaying her gift..

The Lindas from TEAM WISH...one is Heather's mom and the other started the team here in Anthem.. I see them training for the 3-day walk every Saturday and when they see me out with the Cupcakes.. they yell "it's Julia's mom" and I get hugs all around.. words of support.  Many of those walkers know about clean up time.. get down time.. and getting better time.. many are survivors...

My work family that were always there for me.. making sure I could get through the days..when I could barely keep from crying..my work family has gone through a lot of things this year and we held each other up.

I would like a better word than survivor.. that seems to me a word that means you do not have a choice... instead of growing....learning.. changing.. it is so much more than surviving.. it is opportunities that may have been lost if things were different..

I think I will drive the old way home tomorrow.. clean up time..get down time.. get better time.. it's time

push.. pull.. squeeze .. giggle..

I spent an hour last Friday in "never give up" Dr. Leighton's office learning the push, pull and squeeze technique to get my new parts to fall into place.. minimum 3 times a day.. push, pull and squeeze.. then giggle..

I find myself doing it while I am driving.. one at a time.. one hand is still on the wheel.. I guess that if Oprah knew she might ask us breast cancer survivors with new parts to pledge not to push pull and squeeze while we are driving.. but it does help pass the time..and it has become a giggle moment for me each day.. sometimes I actually pattern it to the music on the radio and can complete the required process during the duration of a song.. .. country music is the best..

I dropped off dinner this weekend to a friend that has been in treatment for a recurrence.. and when I hugged her, I recognized the heat that comes from chemo chemicals in your body after treatment.. it made me think of the time my favorite ingredient friend Anita hugged me and said.. "you feel hot".. and I felt a bit guilty that my journey has been so easy compared to others.. and that all I have to do is push, pull and squeeze...

My dinner friend and I spent some time laughing about pushing and pull new parts into place.. she got new parts a few years back.. I guess we always need to be pushing, pulling and squeezing into the place we need to be..some times it is a fight and sometimes it is only a songs worth of effort..

My energy is coming back..but I notice my patience is not where is should be.. I may need to push, pull and squeeze to get that back in place..I have decided no more surgeries this year.. check ups.. holidays... walking and then running.. push, pull and squeeze back into life... it is so full of giggles..