strong like Popeye

Gianfranco did the Popeye pose.. arms up.. showing his muscles as he told me.. "Don't worry.. I am strong like Popeye'.. this comment coming after telling me that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer..


Our visit to Italy this last year to visit family living in an ancient city just outside of Rome started with the revelation that even in this beautiful land.. cancer still surrounded me. The next few days were a whirl of churches, wonderful food and loving people.. all with the haziness of foreboding that these were to be our last memories of a long lean Italian with a wonderful sense of humor..

Gianfranco, the husband of my cousin Mara, lost his battle this last week against cancer.. at the same time I was listening to inspirational stories about survivors at a Relay for Life Summit.. Gianfranco took his last breath surrounded by his wife, son and daughter whom it was very clear in a two day visit that he adored..and they adored him..

When you are surrounded by survivors.. you forget.. even if for a minute, an hour or a day.. that people do not survive.. there are some that pass on surrounded by love and people whose hearts are broken.

As Mara, my cousin, said in her email.. " I thank you for the prayers but they aren't be enough for holding back him with us, however follow to pray for him and for us that are lost without him"..

My heart is broken over and over as I lose strong and determined friends and family.. but I think I will try to "be strong like Popeye".. make the muscle arm.. and remember Gianfranco in my heart forever..

it's only Tuesday and the basil is dead..

Today I had to be told it was only Tuesday even though I could SWEAR it was Wednesday... and then to top the day off...I realized the basil plant outside my door had succumbed to the 110 plus degree heat.. and .. OK.. lack of water..  this leads me to believe .. I need to slow down..

I became a farmer this year.. yes .. I planted crops in pots all over the place.. strawberry plants.. (dead).. tomato plants.. (lived long enough to harvest two very tough tiny tomatoes)... and basil.. green .. wonderful.. fragrant basil.. or as my friend Marie at work says... "Italian Marijuana".. because it is addictive.. washed, rolled and chopped into long slivers .. added to red sauce or toasted pine nuts, garlic and olive oil...sigh.. it's dead.. from heat, lack of water and a too busy schedule..

I am grateful every day that I continue to be cancer free.. that my sweet Tim never forgets to kiss me good night.... for my lessons learned and the new recipes of life to try.. but when an Italian's basil plant dies.. it is a sign to slow down..

I have added lots to my plate other than tough tomatoes and green fragrant basil.. budgets at work.. new employees, Relay for Life 2012..working out and trying to be a real runner..  I want to be a thriver not just a survivor.. but my basil died.. I want to stop eating sugar, drink more tea, eat healthier foods, get plenty of rest, exercise exercise ... but I have realized today.. I want most of all to remember what day it is..

...... and to water my basil..

the deal maker...

I am remembering asking for 2 more years.. 5 years ago.. making a deal.. asking for more time.. I figured I could get ready if I had 2 more years.. I said it out loud.. in my car .. driving home.. I need ..hummm.. 2 more.. you HAVE to give me 2 more... and as the 2 years went by.. turning into 3.. nudging up to 4.. I forgot that I made promises.. made deals... until the second knock on my door.. cancer again..it brought me back.. to the day in my car.. when I promised I would get ready if I could get 2 more years..

I know that I pushed from my mind with each birthday that went by.. the deal I made a lifetime ago..  the promises ..because you are never ready.. not really.. but I was willing to negotiate again.. the deal this time had to be different.. I figured if I could get ready if I just had a lifetime.. yes.. a lifetime..  to grow old with my loved ones.. to really try to run... to never forget to say I love you to my husband.. to always kiss my children.. to make all of the arrangements that everyone must.. cancer or no cancer..

So I've tried to get ready.. .. to live with an open mind.. to appreciate every minute... and take care of details..... this year I planned my funeral.. picked out where I want to float over the earth to the ground... and I had to think of what I would say to summarize a life.. at the end of a life?.. so as I get ready to celebrate another birthday I thought I would share with you my summary.. 

She died of natural causes at a very old age and she never really believed she aged past the moment she met her sweet Tim...

She not only loved her family each and every day she was amazed by them and they knew it..

She took up the cause to fight a dreaded disease with her most important hope being to lead fellow fighters into the light.. the light of knowledge, strength and courage..

She loved to cook.. and spent her last years .. eating ANYTHING she wanted.. including ice cream (EVERY DAY)..

Her life changed when she stopped asking God for things.. and started thanking him for moments..

She died of natural causes at a very old age and she was VERY good at making deals..

yep.. this is a good deal..