my son is driving in a truck today.. taking a trip from Nashville TN back to Washington DC with his darling girlfriend's items.. I always think of her as the Princess in Tangled.. not that she is stuck in a tower in any way.. but every time I see that movie ( it is a favorite) and watch the Princess using that long long hair to swing over the green grass.. touching her tippy toes down to experience something for the first time.. and then yelling with joy .. it always reminds me of her..
this week she was facing the unknown, tippy toe at a time, moving from Nashville to Washington when her grandmother passed..Tony had gone down to collect things and attend the services and on his drive back we talked about remembrances and things that he felt were moving during the services.. and we talked about signs..
I am a big believer in signs..
when birds fly close I always think of my own grandmother.. maybe because she set me free... always there to give hope and guidance, love, hugs and assurance... she allowed me to soar when I had no wings.. so now when I see the swooping and graceful turns of birds.. I think of it as her message to me.. to glide with the wind.. fly up as high as you can go.. then lay back and let the air carry you to your destination..
My son and I talked about how he was so touched by the eulogy and how he thought it was such a great idea for us to journal so that our loved ones would be able to share memories and stories about our life after we are gone.. so often important messages come across in stories.. ones that we are unable to see when our loved ones are here.. I mentioned that I thought often about my mother's passing and how it was so abrupt.. I did not think she was ready and I worried that she felt lost.. when he said "there is a rainbow here mom... and it is not even raining."
I am a big believer in signs
I know she has found her way.. as we all will.. and that gives me the courage to fly..
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
no matter where you sneak
no flowers.. no jewelry.. no dinners or wine.. one year ago tomorrow, I made the decision to remove faulty parts.. cut out evilness and put myself in God's hands again. I will celebrate my 1 year mastectomy surgery anniversary tomorrow with a workout, green tea, stubbornness and strength..
stronger on my mind is my 5 year anniversary of the first cancer.. the first one found by an eagle eyed doctor... that 5 year mark that everyone talks about and I have found means nothing.. I know too many that have gone past the 5 year, the 6 year, the 10 year.. only to fight again.. but the mark looms in the my future this year.. that anniversary is in November and even though I say it means nothing.. it seems to mean everything instead.
a Saturday conversation with a sweet running friend brought up an "inside my head conversation" that I go over and over each time I hear of someone with cancer.. she had experienced with a friend in college that friend's fight against cancer.. and when a child of hers was sick recently.. some of those memories swirled around in her head.. familiar symptoms.. making her stomach tight with an empty feeling I am sure.. until she knew for sure it was nothing.. nothing more than a childhood illness.. but memories were brought back. She said she thought of me and other cancer survivors ... how the memories must always be tip toeing around.. in the back of our minds..
a very perceptive statement .. something will trigger a memory ..it could be a smell or an ache that starts heart pounding feelings and all of a sudden .. you feel it tip toeing around your mind... not up front.. but lurking.. sneaking up ..
there is a game that I recall playing as a child.... where you have a mallet and you stand in front of the game machine..waiting ..watching for plastic heads to pop up and you smack them down as hard as you can.. beware things that tip toe around my brain.. I am very very good at that game..
The anniversaries.. they come and go
I count the days one by one you know
I celebrate the breath of life
And fight to keep in warm sunlight
You cannot hurt me.. you are weak
I will live my life no matter where you sneak
One more year.. I am cancer free
Thank you god for what you have given me
Happy Anniversary to me... <3
stronger on my mind is my 5 year anniversary of the first cancer.. the first one found by an eagle eyed doctor... that 5 year mark that everyone talks about and I have found means nothing.. I know too many that have gone past the 5 year, the 6 year, the 10 year.. only to fight again.. but the mark looms in the my future this year.. that anniversary is in November and even though I say it means nothing.. it seems to mean everything instead.
a Saturday conversation with a sweet running friend brought up an "inside my head conversation" that I go over and over each time I hear of someone with cancer.. she had experienced with a friend in college that friend's fight against cancer.. and when a child of hers was sick recently.. some of those memories swirled around in her head.. familiar symptoms.. making her stomach tight with an empty feeling I am sure.. until she knew for sure it was nothing.. nothing more than a childhood illness.. but memories were brought back. She said she thought of me and other cancer survivors ... how the memories must always be tip toeing around.. in the back of our minds..
a very perceptive statement .. something will trigger a memory ..it could be a smell or an ache that starts heart pounding feelings and all of a sudden .. you feel it tip toeing around your mind... not up front.. but lurking.. sneaking up ..
there is a game that I recall playing as a child.... where you have a mallet and you stand in front of the game machine..waiting ..watching for plastic heads to pop up and you smack them down as hard as you can.. beware things that tip toe around my brain.. I am very very good at that game..
The anniversaries.. they come and go
I count the days one by one you know
I celebrate the breath of life
And fight to keep in warm sunlight
You cannot hurt me.. you are weak
I will live my life no matter where you sneak
One more year.. I am cancer free
Thank you god for what you have given me
Happy Anniversary to me... <3
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