no flowers.. no jewelry.. no dinners or wine.. one year ago tomorrow, I made the decision to remove faulty parts.. cut out evilness and put myself in God's hands again. I will celebrate my 1 year mastectomy surgery anniversary tomorrow with a workout, green tea, stubbornness and strength..
stronger on my mind is my 5 year anniversary of the first cancer.. the first one found by an eagle eyed doctor... that 5 year mark that everyone talks about and I have found means nothing.. I know too many that have gone past the 5 year, the 6 year, the 10 year.. only to fight again.. but the mark looms in the my future this year.. that anniversary is in November and even though I say it means nothing.. it seems to mean everything instead.
a Saturday conversation with a sweet running friend brought up an "inside my head conversation" that I go over and over each time I hear of someone with cancer.. she had experienced with a friend in college that friend's fight against cancer.. and when a child of hers was sick recently.. some of those memories swirled around in her head.. familiar symptoms.. making her stomach tight with an empty feeling I am sure.. until she knew for sure it was nothing.. nothing more than a childhood illness.. but memories were brought back. She said she thought of me and other cancer survivors ... how the memories must always be tip toeing around.. in the back of our minds..
a very perceptive statement .. something will trigger a memory ..it could be a smell or an ache that starts heart pounding feelings and all of a sudden .. you feel it tip toeing around your mind... not up front.. but lurking.. sneaking up ..
there is a game that I recall playing as a child.... where you have a mallet and you stand in front of the game machine..waiting ..watching for plastic heads to pop up and you smack them down as hard as you can.. beware things that tip toe around my brain.. I am very very good at that game..
The anniversaries.. they come and go
I count the days one by one you know
I celebrate the breath of life
And fight to keep in warm sunlight
You cannot hurt me.. you are weak
I will live my life no matter where you sneak
One more year.. I am cancer free
Thank you god for what you have given me
Happy Anniversary to me... <3
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