in a moment

if you are lucky like me.. if you are blessed like me.. you will become a Relayer..

...it is that simple.. I walk a track every year and have for 5 years to raise money to fight cancer.. I became a Relayer because of one moment.. a second actually 5 years ago.. walking a track with other survivors.. at my first Relay For Life.

the first relay was short for me.. not a relay at all.. I cannot remember how I ended up at the local high school.. walking a survivor lap.. with people that I did not know.. in a blur of not sure what I was doing and why I was doing it.. looking around and seeing others with cancer.. but I did not feel anything.. not a connection at all.. I was there because I did not know where else to go and someone had invited me..

I think it was by invite..via an email.. or maybe it was a phone call.... that time for me is fuzzy.. . I have trouble remembering details..  I know now that cancer patients are kept track of and somehow I got an invite.. to celebrate more birthdays.. to celebrate my survival against all odds.. just a lap is all.. OK maybe two.. the first yourself.. the second your loved ones... then it seems the world flows on to the track to walk the third... and Relay begins.

I have told this story before I know.. of overwhelming emotion as I took step after step.. I had no direction.. so I followed.. followed the crowd.. the leaders.. you find that you chat with others on that lap..with others around you .. you chat to rid yourself  of the fear of others knowing..you have cancer.. there.. it is OUT.. it is IN THE OPEN...  you don't know what you are doing.. you are not sure why you are there.. but you  follow the crowd.. and the tears are in your throat almost ready to come out..and you walk..

if you are lucky like me.. if you are blessed like me.. you walk next to another woman named Mary.. you chat and tell each other your story.. short.. no details.. and if you are lucky like me.. if you are blessed like me.. the woman will tell you that "you are walking next to Hope".. because she is a survivor.. for multiple years.. not days.. not months.. not years.. and she walks..

you listen to her.. and start to look around.. you see every ones faces lifted up.. for all to see.. tears and laughter and hope shines through.. how silly not to see it right away.. but in a moment .. it is clear to see..  and you connect... to something so much bigger than a cell out of control.. so much more wondrous than you can imagine.. and the relief flows through you like a ray of light.. and tears are finally released... and you will remember that moment forever.. and how that moment tells you.. you will be there the next year.. and the next year..

...just in case someone needs to walk next to Hope.