slightly imperfect...

I am black and blue and bruised.. the next few weeks are the worst I am told.. 3 more visits.. 3 more.. I brought cupcakes with me this time.. coconut ones with cherry fillings and little cherries on the tops.. like slightly imperfect boobies.. a reminder to my doctor of what mine need to look like when he is done.. slightly imperfects.. rounded out with icing.. small flaws hidden with coconut and cherry topping..

Slightly imperfect like me.. .. but that is ok.. I am starting to round out..

The spasms start now as soon as the needle goes in and they had trouble finding the port on the right side.. it has moved.. "great!... the one thing on my body that I counted on to stay in place decided to move closer to my underarm....."butt..moved... waist .moved.. knee caps.. decidedly wrinkled.. and hey are they lower.?"   ... poke and prod and push.. "aha.. here it is.."  too late.. tears..  no sleep..no walking early Saturday morning.. so about noon.... I started doing what I do best.
I baked..

cupcakes for a baby shower with a cake topper.. rich chocolate cupcakes.. even when I am sore and tired and cranky.. cooking soothes me.. maybe it is the rhythm of mixing and tasting and watching cupcakes raise.. cakes puff up and round out.. icing swirls on in beautiful colors.. 

I feel at home when I cook and bake.. I have blown cupcakes up in the over and sank them like cement by shutting an oven door too hard.... they can always be used.. as a layer for tiramisu.. with a sprinkling of chocolate fudge and zablaiogne creme.. there is a use for everything.. even slightly imperfect.... add one or two things and it becomes perfection...

I wonder more and more what my "use " should be.. I am meant for things.. but what?  How do I find the answer.. what things must I add to round out and puff up the slightly imperfect me?  time will tell....

I am thinking more and more about my yoga class with musical voiced Mark.. and his steady insistence that we are not fearless but can push ourselves and our limits.......... with courage.. " answers always come..be patient"  as my boss once told me.. Do I have the courage to hear them..