today was my pre-op visit to my "never give up" Leighton's office...to discuss my "reconstruction".. I came prepared with my list.. and when he asked if I had any questions.. I gave a blow by blow description of exactly what I expect to happen from entry to Virginia Piper next Tuesday to 6 months from then... when I am all done..
He looked a bit stunned and my Tim (who refuses to let me go alone to any appointment) looked like he was going to burst out laughing.. Leighton said that I understood the procedures better than his nurse Mary Ann... a comment Mary Ann ignored because she knows everything and she is the one that told me all that stuff.... my only question was .. "am I going to be able to run the Susan G Komen 5 K in October?".. "Probably and you won't even need to wear a bra.." Leighton replied.. Note to self.. so.. pre-op done.. I am ready..
I am ready.. I am prepared.. I tell myself... I am prepared and I have turned it over..honestly I have.. but once in a while.. ...I just have to say that I hate cancer..
I hate that it makes me cry because again they are going to cut pieces of my body away to save my life..
I hate that it makes me tired and frustrates me because I do not understand why it is here again....
I hate that sometimes it takes all of my focus so I do not have the patience that I should have with people I care about and work with...
I hate that my family thinks of a time that I may not be with them because of this evil evil thing inside of me.. even though death is normal and natural.. this is not..
I hate cancer and hate is not good.. so I am prepared.. to pull in the white light.. swoosh it through and push out the darkness.. push out the hate.. push out the darkness.. PULL IN THE LIGHT!
"come out angels..come out ghosts..come out darkness..bring everyone you know
I'm not running..I'm not scared..I am waiting and well prepared"
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