it has been almost 5 days since my surgery.. and bits and pieces are coming back to me.. most of the last few days have been hazy,,dazy and dizzy.. but I am remembering bits and pieces.. moments......that all connect ....to each other and to me..
I have come to realize that this blog should be about the reconstruction of Mary ...starting with my first fight against cancer to the moment (and beyond) in my doctor"s office this week as bandages came away .... leaving for all to see the almost finished product of love and courage and knowing if you are lucky.. like me.. if you are blessed...like me.. you have someone to trust with everything in your soul..
checking into Virginia Piper is a process with a lot of people and parts..each person has a specific mission.. all of them done amazingly well..your name is called and you walk to an admitting desk where you complete paperwork.. and the routine of questions begin.. "here is your wrist band.. would you read it to make sure the information is correct".. yes the information is correct..and confirmed over and over again.. each new step ..a new person having a specific mission to accomplish always finished it with .... "and can you tell me your name? and you are here to haaavveee.??? and ok then your are also having..?? ok your birthday is??" over and over
.... they gave me purple socks.. with little bear paws on them.. and a lilac purple gown that tied in the back.. that is.....are you ready??.. hooked up to a vacuum like hose that blew warm air into it while I laid on the bed waiting.. puffed up like a lilac marshmellow... while person after person confirmed over and over that I was sure I knew my name and what my procedure was....
They use purple ink too.. when "never give up " Leighton came in to draw on me the direction the surgeon would take .. they used purple ink.. it should have been a giggle moment.. purple to match.. the Relay for Life survivor color.. matching my bear paw socks....matching my space ship blow up gown... but no giggles were left.. I started to cry..holding my arms up and way..so that the purple ink ran smooth over the offending parts to be removed.. "you are ready for this" Dr. Leighton said calmly and clearly.. "you are ready Mary".. yes.. yes I was ready.. but I could not stop the tears.. when he left .. my "get ready nurse" Diane told me.. "you have a great team.. Dr. Leighton and Dr. Harrison.. they are wonderful and the best.." she then calmly laid down on the bed her parts and pieces for IVs and blood pressure and things that she had in her hands and put her arms around me.. laid my head on her shoulder and told me.. "and you have God.. you have a great team Mary".. yes.. I was ready for this....
...Afterwards... .I remember waking up a bit and seeing my family all having lunch.. checking on me from time to time as I slept.. waking up to comment that I saw two of my #1 daughter Julia's face.. which was a giggle moment for all of us..
waking up a moment to realize my favorite ingredient friend Anita was there holding my hand .. she was telling me that she and her mom had brought me Angels.. I thought "of course you did Anita... seriously.. you would not come with out angels"....only to fall back asleep and realize later that it was in fact a picture of Angels with a poem telling us how they are the guardians of hope.. I hope she realizes that she did bring the real ones..they follow her around..my favorite ingredient friend Anita...
I remember determined Nedra...my breast surgeon telling Tim.. "get your credit card ready.. she is going to want new clothes to show these off when we are done.. "
What I remember the most and what I will hold in my heart forever.. is my sweet Tim.. looking me right in the eye at the doctor's office yesterday as the Dr. took off all of the bandages...as I waited for the first glance....telling "never give up" Leighton... "what a beautiful job you did Dr.. .. you did a beautiful job" Yes.. I have a great team..
"lay your head on my shoulder.. whisper into my ear baby..."
sigh.. all better ..
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