MRI or Like Superman Flying

MRI day... today I had my bilateral MRI.. to check for unwelcome cells lurking.. barely visible or invisible..and I almost got "bumped"... you know "bumped" like from your airplane seat because they have over booked.. but I stood my ground (no compensation) and waited an extra 2 hours in the waiting room to make sure I got this over TODAY..

In my mind.. it was scheduled for TODAY..and I wasn't budging.. so we waited.. and waited... and finally they came for me... only to prove to me again.. that medicine and the act of medicine is basically barbaric and still so medieval..

the contraptions that they strap, hoist and tie you in.. are ridiculous.. the table I climbed up on for the MRI was similar to the "car lift" type apparatus that they put me in for my biopsy...

when the doctor performing the biopsy came up to the edge of the table I was so high in the air.. I could only see her head from the eyes up.. for a moment it felt like I wasn't really 4 feet in the air.. in actuality the doctor was just very very short.. a giggle moment for sure..

I have found that in times like today.. I become keenly aware of everything around me and often aware of how ridiculous it is.. my giggle moments are coming fast and furious..

for those of you that do not know... a MRI uses a magnetic field.... there is an IV involved and a solution is used towards the end of the test that highlights areas of abnormality.. and those images are compared to the ones taken at the beginning of the test...

The IV is started... table type contraption..of very hard plastic .. face down with your chest actually placed over an open area of the table.. and you are wheeled into the room with the MRI to begin the test....

"put your arms above your head Mary.. like Superman flying" my nurse said.. Superman .... couragous .. determined... Superman.. She then placed a ball in my hand and said.. "if you feel any pain or discomfort or you just feel like you cannot finish the test.. Squeeze the ball"

almost right away, I realized that I could not breath.. not only are you are on your stomach with your chest through a hole in the table..you are also angled so that your upper stomach and lower rib cage fall right across the hard ridge of the table...it doesn't help when you feel like crying.... "Mary.. I am going to tuck a little pillow between your rib cage and table.. it will help you to breath a little easier" my nurse tells me and my mind replies.. "don't squeeze the ball Mary... don't squeeze the ball"..

The test starts and as the machine beeps and hammers.... I start repeating to my self.. "like Superman Flying... courageous.. determined.. don't squeeze the ball.. don't squeeze the ball.. "

I think of my lotus blossom daughters and the deep breathing of yoga.. in and out through the nose.. breath.. sink into the breath... don't squeeze the ball... don't squeeze the ball..

"We are going to start the IV Mary".. they say and I feel the solution warm moving up my arm.. to my neck and face and suddenly I realize that my arms and hands are numb.. I can't squeeze the ball.. because I can no longer feel it.. "like Superman Flying".. courageous and determined... sink into the breath... sink into the breath..

and then we were done....lessons learned = don't squeeze the ball.. don't squeeze the ball.. like Superman Flying.. courageous and determined... defying gravity.. I am defying gravity