from the inside out...

today I attended a team building seminar that included some building blocks of how to do "the work" ..  to help us be happier... more productive... better communicators..  I have been working on how to do "the work" for a while ...especially this last year....

one sentence in the literature we were given stood out...not bold letters, underlined or really big font... but my eye settled on it right away... "work from the inside to the outside"..

one of the things I am finding in common with other cancer survivors.. the ones that Thrive.. not just Survive.. is that we are working from the inside.. we change our priorities.. we set new standards.. we forgive .. love harder... share more of ourselves (sometimes more than people want us to).. and turn ourselves inside out in our journey to leave a legacy..

the best thing ..from my point of view... about from the inside out.. is that there is immediate effects..pleasure.. profound appreciation.. it is not something you have to make a plan for other than to start.. you can choose one minute to find gratitude in something from your day.. one second to be flexible or offer service.. a glimmer of time to tell someone you love them.. hug them ..

it is not a goal that you have to work up to... even thinking about it is a start.. shining up the insides.. glowing through all the hurt, pain, scary things that we deal with.. it is hope that ends up shining through.. from the inside out.. it is hope..

start at 100 lbs ...

this last week I attended The Susan G Komen Survivor Education and Empowerment Conference with a fellow breast cancer survivor.. I was ready.. I need empowerment.. and I came away with one statement that I keep going over and over in my mind... if you are 5ft... start at 100 lbs..

the conference was full of information, stories shared and wonderful viewpoints..

Anne of  The Wellness Center here in Phoenix told her story of change, taking charge and trying to find her way to normal.. while her husband wanted to prepare for the future and a rainy day.. she wanted to experience life to the fullest and never miss a moment.. at odds with each other it took 23 years of survivor ship to meet lovingly in the middle.. I found myself nodding at words she used to describe her journey..those are my words.. we are the same in so many ways..

Donald of Mayo Clinic told us about wonderful trials and treatment changes that have resulted from research...the fact that he looked like Fonzie from Happy Days..only with gray hair and a sports jacket instead of leather.. just made us all lean forward and listen to his confident words.. any moment I was waiting for him to walk over to a juke box.. hit it somewhere in the middle and music would come spilling out across the auditorium..

and then came Barbara of Cancer Treatment Centers of America with her list of cancer fighting foods, the importance of eating not just "well".. but "right" and how you start at 100 lbs..being over weight is not something you want to be if you are fighting cancer.. fat holds things ..like cancer causing estrogen .. and you need to make that go away..  if you are 5 ft.. you start at 100 lbs.. and for every inch more of you.. add 5lbs..

that makes my goal 115 lbs... really.. ok wait... really...  if I start at 5 ft .. and I add 5 lbs for each of my 3 inches = 115 lbs.   Considering my purse on grocery day weighs that .. and I have not since I was 14 yrs old.. I felt a bit discouraged.. starting at 100 lbs..

In the end.. I did feel empowered.. I felt confident.. I realized I cannot do everything today.. this minute.. in a breath.. I don't have to return to normal today or tomorrow... I can sigh and lean forward to listen to the Fonz talk about medications and new research that tells us they work.. and I don't have to start at 100 lbs today... I have to just start... so.. as I sit here eating my no sugar added fudge pop...I am determined to keep doing the 2 miles 4 times a week, eat my veggies.. continue to envy people that drink diet coke.. sink into the breath and NEVER GIVE UP... oh and make a  mental note to empty that heavy purse out...

the needle guy at Melonhead...

My journey never stops.. it moves and flows .. sometimes crazy.. sometimes slow.. and if you are lucky..lucky like me.. here and there you receive special gifts... I have received a  present.. ..  remarkable Jose... my friends The Mikes brought him to me..

The Mikes are a moving part of a wonderful thing called the Melonhead Foundation.  This is place of nurturing for families of children with cancer.. and for others that need healing..like me..  My sweet Tim and I are lucky.. we have insurance.. we make a living that has enabled us to pay for the cost of fighting cancer.. I was an adult when I was diagnosed...  not a child.. not a parent of a child that had to leave their job to cradle their babies fighting to stay alive.. not a parent of a child that did not know where the money was going to come from to pay electric bills, rent or buy gas to get to treatments.. At Melonhead they help those parents and children..They do wonderful things at Melonhead ..  including bringing me the remarkable Jose..

Jose is a needle guy.. acupuncture is a wonderful thing... a new thing for me.. and ..ok I am going to share this ... it makes me ping..

For those of you that have never pinged... it is when you feel like all of the neutrons in your body are zapping back and forth.. like a pin ball machine.. remarkable Jose walks around you...putting a needle here... a needle there..  and before you know it.. you fill balanced, relaxed and energized at the same time.. and you ping..

to the needle guy at Melonhead.. thanks

http://www.melonhead.org/   

mother's day messages...

this weekend, some friends and I visited another Relay for Life.. our local Relay had been cut short.. wind blowing tents, chairs and luminaries everywhere.. although satisfying in many ways.. many of us felt
the night was unfinished and rushed... halfway through the night we had to breakdown, pack up, give up against the wind and the dust.. so this weekend.. heading into Mother's day.. we thought to visit one more..

one of the stories told at our Relay by a young son of a survivor talked about how he and his mother visited many relays.. they always picked a name from among the white decorated glowing bags and walked a lap for that person.. the story touched me in so many ways.. we often think only of ourselves.. we are so focused on the fight that we don't take the time to pray for others.. walk for others.. so heading into Mother's day some of my team mates and I piled into a car and made our way to walk more laps..

there was no wind.. it was very calm.. and as we got there...luminaries lined the track as well as spelled out HOPE on the bleachers.. no wind.. just beautiful clear skies full of stars.. looking down on the hundreds of people..walking .. so we began to look.. to pick out the person we were going to walk for.. and we started reading.. not just names but messages.. written in crayon, magic marker..pasted flowers, heart felt words and designs...  to moms..

"I will love you forever".. "I miss you Mom"... "In memory of".. "my heart is with you"... "fight.. fight.. fight".. all messages... mother's day messages to those here and gone.. and when the candles were lit.. they glowed.. the words.. the messages.. the hope and the love.. they flowed up and out of the bags.. swirling around us.. and on to the stars.. those mother's day messages.. and we each walked a lap.. for someones mom.. and sent our own mother's day messages..

Happy Mother's Day

the purple princess

I became a purple princess...
on a recent wonderful night..

I was given a silver Tiara..
that fit on my head just right..

It had a purple stone and purple feathers too...
I think I could be a purple princess.. my whole life through..

Thank you Heather for making our survivor laps so special <3 

the first lap...

in less than a week.. I step on a track and take a first lap.. and relay...

this is my 5th year participating in the Relay for Life event in my neighborhood.... and a million light years from last year..last year I walked the survivor's lap.. the first lap.. waiting for results from a biopsy after suspicious symptoms and a frighting mammogram.. but I relayed.. with family, friends and strangers.. walking the lap being congratulated on being a survivor and wondering each step.. am I?  am I a survivor again? I stepped on to the track.. frightened and worried.. unsure of myself and who I was and where I was going..when my loved ones joined me for the second lap.. it was almost too much for me.. I had to resist running to them and screaming.. am I?  am I a survivor again?

what a difference a year makes..this year I step on to the track for the lap.. grateful for this journey.. sure of myself.. knowing who I am.. and what purpose I have..determined to run my race.. walk my laps and hold hands with others that do the same.. our race this year has theme laps.. zany fun ideas like a 50's, 60's lap where I can be the hippie of my youth.. pajama lap where I can be the old woman in curlers with the huge slippers..

I realize it is putting the first footprint down..I guess the first lap is the hardest in any race.. you have to find your pace.. steady your breathing.. as you put one foot in front of the other.. you have to know when to push yourself.. and when to take it slower..you have to have laps that are silly..laps that are fun..laps where you cry..  and when you are not quite sure what lap you are on... you have to have a team that yells, pushes, laughs and loves you .. one more step.. one more lap.. it is the start that is important.. and lap after lap you find your normal.. you become yourself.. the person that God has given you to be...

It seems so easy this year.. stepping on to the track.. putting one foot down... on the first lap..

the attitude of gratitude..

it is Easter Sunday.. a time for family get togethers and as my yogi sweet Shannon said Friday night.. it is time for an attitude of gratitude.. her class was packed this week.. word has gotten out that sweet Shannon wrings the stress out of your body with a twist to the left and a stretch to the right.. her sing songy voice in a quiet darken room takes away the weeks toxic stress and lulls you into thinking you can do it again the next week..

as I get ready for the day.. I am counting my blessings.. husband, family and friends..wonderful Saturdays with friends followed by coffee and oatmeal at a local coffee shop.. I find myself finding my humor again.. memories that are not full of cancer and surgeries ..battles and strategies..  I find it easier to breath this week.. deep cleansing breaths... I will keep working on my attitude of gratitude... and the healing continues..